I'm a pro at breakups. I have them all the time and have managed to get quite good at it like one might get good at chess or snowboarding. I got another practice last night.
There are lots of ways to deal with a breakup. You can wallow in self pity. You can start nasty STD rumors about the newly excised. You can run out and have a silly rebound. My strategy of choice is to negate the importance of the entire relationship. The beauty of this method is that as soon as you do it, it immediately becomes reality...a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. (This can be either good or lousy, depending on how sentimental you are.)
I have a well-rehearsed speech beginning with "I never liked him that much anyway" and ending with a complaint i didn't feel compelled to speak aloud while we were together; sometimes easy to rationalize (i.e. "He was an alcoholic."), sometimes more a stretch (i.e. "His shoes were too white and he didn't even like edamame.") However near or far i need to reach, complaining always makes me feel that there is someone else out there without these lame qualities...someone fabulous who is man enough to adore my quircks and like me anyway.
I didn't date last night's heartbreak long enough to be broken up about it, thank goodness. But, he did lend me the book High Fidelity, which i'm now frantically trying to finish before i have to give it back.
Even though i'm only on page 26 (ironically, a metaphor for the relationship that just ended), I did have much fun thus far. So, in honor of Nick Hornby and because my one and only forever lasting love will undoubtedly be music, here are my all-time top 5 breakup songs:
1. How To Fight Loneliness by Wilco
Well said. You do just laugh at every joke and smile all the time. And, most importantly, it is very wise to know that the first thing that you want is the last thing you ever need. Self help book? Not necessary. Just listen to this song on repeat.
2. It Hurt So Bad by Susan Tedeschi
I love her voice because it reminds me of Janice Joplin. If you need to be cheered up after being dumped play this at high volume with a group of sympathetic friends and sing along using empty (or full) wine bottles as microphones.
3. Greatest Mistake by Handsome Boy Modeling School
Hip hop has fortunately evolved to talk of things other than the constant pain inflicted by the opposite sex. Leave it to Handsome Boy to come up with a song that is simultaneously sexy, sad, and cleverly written.
4. By Myself by Res
This song is dedicated to only one of my breakups, but if given enough thought, could probably be applicable to the others as well. I'm considering changing my theme song from 32 Flavors to this one.
5. Heavy Heart by You Am I
This is quite possibly the saddest, most pathetic song ever written. I can hardly even feel sorry for myself listening to it, so consumed am i by this poor man's wine stains. If there is ever a song more sad than this, please don't ever share it with me.
And so another one bites the dust. Because i protectively guard my own feelings and selectively bestow my affection and trust, i'm somehow perceived as being covered in poisonous blowfish spines underneath my clothes. What else is new? I'm dating only thick-skinned fisherman from now on. Spread the word.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
I've got a f-eva
I discovered a delightful distraction this week that has helped me completely blow off work and daydream away most of my afternoons...There Will Be Breakdowns. This is a blog created by a dear friend of mine from Sydney who is driving a van across the country with her dog, Ralph (he got his name from throwing up on a bratty kid...my kind of pup). She calls it a Vanta-C. I like to live vicariously through all my friends, but this is like accompanying Madonna, Kerouac, and Earhart to the moon in a vintage blimp. It is simply fabulous.
What I like most is that she admits to crying a lot. Crying for me is an unsustainable waste of water, one terrifying step closer to an IV drip. However, I do it often and have little control over when and where it will take place. My desk at work has become a favorite spot lately. I also like to cry while walking down Connecticut Avenue. The canal near the Georgetown waterfront is another good spot. I try not to cry at home because it upsets Olive.
On a kinda related note, I quit my job yesterday. I don't have plans to use the contents of my "Don't You Dare Touch This" ING savings account on a cross-country adventure with Olive sitting shotgun. I'm not cool enough to pull it off and, more importantly, Olive usually throws up in cars. So, I just got another job instead. I did all my crying over it last week. Now the adventure can begin.
Send my friend bunches of good energy. Her adventure will without doubt be amazing. And, since my new job will be helping small non-profits launch mega-successful online fundraising campaigns, it is only appropriate that i start right now by encouraging all my readers to donate to the Vanta-C. Let's keep gas in this girl's tank and keep the hope alive that you can still drop everything and travel unarmed across this country with only Apple electronics to keep you on track.
Good luck girl! You're incredible.
What I like most is that she admits to crying a lot. Crying for me is an unsustainable waste of water, one terrifying step closer to an IV drip. However, I do it often and have little control over when and where it will take place. My desk at work has become a favorite spot lately. I also like to cry while walking down Connecticut Avenue. The canal near the Georgetown waterfront is another good spot. I try not to cry at home because it upsets Olive.
On a kinda related note, I quit my job yesterday. I don't have plans to use the contents of my "Don't You Dare Touch This" ING savings account on a cross-country adventure with Olive sitting shotgun. I'm not cool enough to pull it off and, more importantly, Olive usually throws up in cars. So, I just got another job instead. I did all my crying over it last week. Now the adventure can begin.
Send my friend bunches of good energy. Her adventure will without doubt be amazing. And, since my new job will be helping small non-profits launch mega-successful online fundraising campaigns, it is only appropriate that i start right now by encouraging all my readers to donate to the Vanta-C. Let's keep gas in this girl's tank and keep the hope alive that you can still drop everything and travel unarmed across this country with only Apple electronics to keep you on track.
Good luck girl! You're incredible.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
What do you mean by that?
Because i have no Labor Day plans I'm celebrating alone at home by doing absolutely no work. I have spent the last two days on the couch doing not much. But, tonight i made an effort to push play on a Netflix movie, a very ambitious task for a long weekend indeed.
The movie is Il Postino, an Italian film about Pablo Neruda and his postman. In one scene, the postman asks Neruda what he meant by a line in one of his poems. Neruda answers that he can't explain in words different from those he used; that when you explain it, poetry becomes banal or, in my language, beige.
How true that is. The sentiment need not apply only to poetry, but to all verbal and nonverbal communication...really to expression of any emotion in general. (Except maybe text messages.)
For example, can i explain why I love walnut cream sauce? Can i put into words the creamy, rich texture with the surprising crunch of toasted nut? Would i do it justice if i tried? Obviously, if i was able to verbalize an oral orgasm, i'd be the world's greatest poet, wouldn't i?
The same principle applies to any feeling. I can't express just how it feels to be jealous or to dread anything happening to my family or to fall in love. I don't know how to write down being proud or terrified or smitten. It escapes me exactly how my head fits onto someone else's shoulder or why i don't like funerals or what it first felt like to be drunk. Those feelings are just beyond language, but very, very visceral.
I guess that is good poetry...getting as close as one can get to putting it into words.
The movie is Il Postino, an Italian film about Pablo Neruda and his postman. In one scene, the postman asks Neruda what he meant by a line in one of his poems. Neruda answers that he can't explain in words different from those he used; that when you explain it, poetry becomes banal or, in my language, beige.
How true that is. The sentiment need not apply only to poetry, but to all verbal and nonverbal communication...really to expression of any emotion in general. (Except maybe text messages.)
For example, can i explain why I love walnut cream sauce? Can i put into words the creamy, rich texture with the surprising crunch of toasted nut? Would i do it justice if i tried? Obviously, if i was able to verbalize an oral orgasm, i'd be the world's greatest poet, wouldn't i?
The same principle applies to any feeling. I can't express just how it feels to be jealous or to dread anything happening to my family or to fall in love. I don't know how to write down being proud or terrified or smitten. It escapes me exactly how my head fits onto someone else's shoulder or why i don't like funerals or what it first felt like to be drunk. Those feelings are just beyond language, but very, very visceral.
I guess that is good poetry...getting as close as one can get to putting it into words.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
It's about time
I've been living in DC for almost 5 years now. Many of my friends and family members from the Heartland are convinced that bullets wiz by my head constantly, but i never feel unsafe. However, i was mugged on Saturday.
Even though it is often bragged about as the murder capital (both literally and metaphorically since Bush has been in office), DC has always seemed quite charming to me...narrow, tree lined streets, dog parks, standard coldness to strangers, etc. It is a city, without doubt, but it always seemed kinda small and harmless. I walk Olive at all hours of the day and night by myself and stumble home in questionable states of sobriety several times a week and have never gotten so much as a dirty look.
Walking home from Adams Morgan on Saturday, i was actually on my very best behavior...only a little tipsy and with two friends. It was just my time, i guess.
The most interesting thing i noticed is one's natural reaction to danger. My friend didn't make a sound...I screamed like a crazed lunatic. My friend laid down on the sidewalk armadillo-style to protect herself...I became enraged and fought back resulting in a rather painful head injury. Neither of us gave up our purses, despite common knowledge that it is the best way to escape unscathed. Neither of us remember making a decision to react one way or another.
The most comical thing about it is that the attackers would have been quite disappointed had they managed to wrestle our purses from us. As usual, between the two of us, we had around $0.80. I don't carry cash, which is why i often find myself walking for lack of cab fare.
I couldn't call myself a proud Liberal if I hadn't spent years in college researching the social implications of capitalism so, really, i don't feel anger toward these men. They probably needed some money and figured it would be easier to score some off me than find a job, which in reality may be just the case. That being said, I could have done without that punch (so much for all those boxing lessons, right?). Either way, they were caught just 2 blocks away.
After recovering from minor heart failure and brain damage, I am able to see happiness in the situation. For one, I'm alive. Also, if only to appease my worried parents, I shall probably take more cabs, a very fabulous DC thing to do anyway.
Get Over It by OK GO
Even though it is often bragged about as the murder capital (both literally and metaphorically since Bush has been in office), DC has always seemed quite charming to me...narrow, tree lined streets, dog parks, standard coldness to strangers, etc. It is a city, without doubt, but it always seemed kinda small and harmless. I walk Olive at all hours of the day and night by myself and stumble home in questionable states of sobriety several times a week and have never gotten so much as a dirty look.
Walking home from Adams Morgan on Saturday, i was actually on my very best behavior...only a little tipsy and with two friends. It was just my time, i guess.
The most interesting thing i noticed is one's natural reaction to danger. My friend didn't make a sound...I screamed like a crazed lunatic. My friend laid down on the sidewalk armadillo-style to protect herself...I became enraged and fought back resulting in a rather painful head injury. Neither of us gave up our purses, despite common knowledge that it is the best way to escape unscathed. Neither of us remember making a decision to react one way or another.
The most comical thing about it is that the attackers would have been quite disappointed had they managed to wrestle our purses from us. As usual, between the two of us, we had around $0.80. I don't carry cash, which is why i often find myself walking for lack of cab fare.
I couldn't call myself a proud Liberal if I hadn't spent years in college researching the social implications of capitalism so, really, i don't feel anger toward these men. They probably needed some money and figured it would be easier to score some off me than find a job, which in reality may be just the case. That being said, I could have done without that punch (so much for all those boxing lessons, right?). Either way, they were caught just 2 blocks away.
After recovering from minor heart failure and brain damage, I am able to see happiness in the situation. For one, I'm alive. Also, if only to appease my worried parents, I shall probably take more cabs, a very fabulous DC thing to do anyway.
Get Over It by OK GO
Friday, August 22, 2008
Not really into threesomes
When dating, it is perfectly reasonable to be seeing more than one person at a time, assuming everyone involved is properly informed about the casual nature of the relationship. On the other hand, it is perfectly unreasonable to have a proper significant other and try to date me.
This is the situation i find myself in at the moment. Or rather, found myself.
I am not the kind of person who takes a supporting role in someone's relationship drama. I'm more a "leading lady" sort of girl. So when boy of the moment informed me that he was "seeing" another chick, I wasn't amused. And, after careful investigation (Where would we be without Facebook?), when i discovered that he wasn't just "seeing another chick" but was rather in a full-blown partnership, I was full-blown disgusted.
He insists that, though this poor girl might have a boyfriend, he absolutely doesn't have a girlfriend. I have a hard time with that logic actually...but, i've been known to be old-fashioned when it comes to love so what do i know? *wink* The most amusing thing is that he has convinced himself that by telling me the half truth, he isn't responsible for the feelings he is hurting, mine or hers. Unfortunately for him, I'm not buying it.
One simply cannot be a cowardly, indecisive liar and get away with it. I'm far too fabulous to be treated as second best or someone's dirty little secret. And, let's be honest, why would I want to be with someone who lies and sneaks around on his girlfriends anyway?
The good news is that i don't have to put up with it. The sad news is that the other girl, who with utmost certainty doesn't deserve this kind of treatment either, is clueless.
Oh, well. I'm sure she'll figure it out sooner or later. In the meantime, my search continues. Next!
No Substitute Love by Estelle
(I especially like the bit when she raps towards the end.)
This is the situation i find myself in at the moment. Or rather, found myself.
I am not the kind of person who takes a supporting role in someone's relationship drama. I'm more a "leading lady" sort of girl. So when boy of the moment informed me that he was "seeing" another chick, I wasn't amused. And, after careful investigation (Where would we be without Facebook?), when i discovered that he wasn't just "seeing another chick" but was rather in a full-blown partnership, I was full-blown disgusted.
He insists that, though this poor girl might have a boyfriend, he absolutely doesn't have a girlfriend. I have a hard time with that logic actually...but, i've been known to be old-fashioned when it comes to love so what do i know? *wink* The most amusing thing is that he has convinced himself that by telling me the half truth, he isn't responsible for the feelings he is hurting, mine or hers. Unfortunately for him, I'm not buying it.
One simply cannot be a cowardly, indecisive liar and get away with it. I'm far too fabulous to be treated as second best or someone's dirty little secret. And, let's be honest, why would I want to be with someone who lies and sneaks around on his girlfriends anyway?
The good news is that i don't have to put up with it. The sad news is that the other girl, who with utmost certainty doesn't deserve this kind of treatment either, is clueless.
Oh, well. I'm sure she'll figure it out sooner or later. In the meantime, my search continues. Next!
No Substitute Love by Estelle
(I especially like the bit when she raps towards the end.)
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Misinformation
So, here i am, all dressed up, on my couch with Olive drinking wine by myself. I am supposed to be out with a boy, but (insert shocked expression here) he forgot what time he told me yesterday. Now, I realize that remembering things for almost 24 whole hours is quite difficult. And who really pays attention to the time anyway, right?
I do.
I've come to the conclusion that somehow along the evolutionary path, boys have sadly been given misinformation that could possibly prevent the continuation of the species.
Exhibit A: It is so not cool to be late.
It doesn't make you look smooth, like you've got so much amazing stuff going on that you practically forgot our date. Rather, it makes you look like an idiot. Also, impressing a girl is easily done by instead doing precisely the opposite...showing up right on time. That shows that you've also been anticipating the time we are about to spend together and have maybe even been looking forward to it. In fact, even if you aren't looking forward to it, it would be nice to extend the courtesy of at least not wasting my time.
Don't Let Him Waste Your Time by Jarvis Cocker
P.S. This boy hasn't done this before, but so many boys in the past have, he gets the shame of this blog post just for being male and therefore guilty by association.
I do.
I've come to the conclusion that somehow along the evolutionary path, boys have sadly been given misinformation that could possibly prevent the continuation of the species.
Exhibit A: It is so not cool to be late.
It doesn't make you look smooth, like you've got so much amazing stuff going on that you practically forgot our date. Rather, it makes you look like an idiot. Also, impressing a girl is easily done by instead doing precisely the opposite...showing up right on time. That shows that you've also been anticipating the time we are about to spend together and have maybe even been looking forward to it. In fact, even if you aren't looking forward to it, it would be nice to extend the courtesy of at least not wasting my time.
Don't Let Him Waste Your Time by Jarvis Cocker
P.S. This boy hasn't done this before, but so many boys in the past have, he gets the shame of this blog post just for being male and therefore guilty by association.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Road Trip
I don't have a car so i'm hopelessly deficient in one of my favorite summer activities: road trips. I love them because you get to see cool stuff, hang out with one or more of your favorite people, and get into mischief in places where no one knows you.
I also love road trips because it involves my all time favorite thing: music.
NPR has been doing a series this summer on music to listen to on various types of vehicular adventures. Check it out here. I haven't loved all their recommendations, but I'm looking forward to their upcoming Hip Hop trip mix on August 19.
In the meantime, I'd like to (in a very AreSeven style) highlight a few songs i would bring on a road trip if i got to go on them.
1. Need Some More by The Brand New Heavies
Music is getting more and more uninspiring by the minute, especially most of the shit you hear on the radio. I like when a band acknowledges that some music sucks but that you can count on them to not suck. Also, I like the bit about music brightening up the dullest life. Indeed.
2. Fake is the New Real by Alice Smith
Can i get this on a t-shirt? She's brilliant and mega-talented, as usual.
3. King Without a Crown (Live at Stubbs) by Matisyahu
This very Jewish white dude can unexpectedly rock beatbox and reggae like i've never seen before. Meant to be a religious ballad, I like it better if I pretend he's talking about my future soul mate.
4. Me Voy by Julieta Venegas
A recommendation from my Nomadic Librarian, this song is the perfect sing-along song, even if you don't know Spanish. See the video if you want to love it more.
5. Music is My Hot, Hot Sex by CSS
Music really is my boyfriend...in fact the only one i've had in a while. He makes me infinitely happy and always has interesting things to say. He always wants to hang out with me and dance or just chill out. He always touches me in the right places. I think i'm in love.
6. Bananas Pancakes by Jack Johnson
To me, Jack Johnson sounds like warm weather and green grass and your arm around someone and the last bit of sun in a day...like easy happiness. Like tickling someone with a daisy. Like looking up into leafy tree branches. Ok, enough. But, it does make me happy and everyone in the car will no doubt like it.
7. Slow Dance by John Legend
I like this song because his voice resonates in the most lovely way. And because sometimes you just have to let the music soothe your soul and dance with your man.
8. I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
This song is so dang fun to sing along with, especially the part when he says, "Scootch on over closer dear and i'll nibble your ear." Sing on, brother!
9. Picture Me Rollin' by Tupac
Guess who's back? I only included this song because I had so much fun pretending to be a P.I.M.P. on a very rare invitation i recently had to Philly. There is just something about cruising down New York Ave. with the windows down acting way tougher than i really am (and have the other person in the car think it is cool too.)
10. Bohemian Like You by The Dandy Warhols
Just because it should be on every road trip play list.
P.S. Most of my friends know that i am a bit anxious in this wacko East Coast traffic (I've nearly bailed out of my seat on I-95 several times). But, i plan on getting a prescription of Valium so that I'll be a better passenger and, ulimately, get more invitations for car rides.
I also love road trips because it involves my all time favorite thing: music.
NPR has been doing a series this summer on music to listen to on various types of vehicular adventures. Check it out here. I haven't loved all their recommendations, but I'm looking forward to their upcoming Hip Hop trip mix on August 19.
In the meantime, I'd like to (in a very AreSeven style) highlight a few songs i would bring on a road trip if i got to go on them.
1. Need Some More by The Brand New Heavies
Music is getting more and more uninspiring by the minute, especially most of the shit you hear on the radio. I like when a band acknowledges that some music sucks but that you can count on them to not suck. Also, I like the bit about music brightening up the dullest life. Indeed.
2. Fake is the New Real by Alice Smith
Can i get this on a t-shirt? She's brilliant and mega-talented, as usual.
3. King Without a Crown (Live at Stubbs) by Matisyahu
This very Jewish white dude can unexpectedly rock beatbox and reggae like i've never seen before. Meant to be a religious ballad, I like it better if I pretend he's talking about my future soul mate.
4. Me Voy by Julieta Venegas
A recommendation from my Nomadic Librarian, this song is the perfect sing-along song, even if you don't know Spanish. See the video if you want to love it more.
5. Music is My Hot, Hot Sex by CSS
Music really is my boyfriend...in fact the only one i've had in a while. He makes me infinitely happy and always has interesting things to say. He always wants to hang out with me and dance or just chill out. He always touches me in the right places. I think i'm in love.
6. Bananas Pancakes by Jack Johnson
To me, Jack Johnson sounds like warm weather and green grass and your arm around someone and the last bit of sun in a day...like easy happiness. Like tickling someone with a daisy. Like looking up into leafy tree branches. Ok, enough. But, it does make me happy and everyone in the car will no doubt like it.
7. Slow Dance by John Legend
I like this song because his voice resonates in the most lovely way. And because sometimes you just have to let the music soothe your soul and dance with your man.
8. I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
This song is so dang fun to sing along with, especially the part when he says, "Scootch on over closer dear and i'll nibble your ear." Sing on, brother!
9. Picture Me Rollin' by Tupac
Guess who's back? I only included this song because I had so much fun pretending to be a P.I.M.P. on a very rare invitation i recently had to Philly. There is just something about cruising down New York Ave. with the windows down acting way tougher than i really am (and have the other person in the car think it is cool too.)
10. Bohemian Like You by The Dandy Warhols
Just because it should be on every road trip play list.
P.S. Most of my friends know that i am a bit anxious in this wacko East Coast traffic (I've nearly bailed out of my seat on I-95 several times). But, i plan on getting a prescription of Valium so that I'll be a better passenger and, ulimately, get more invitations for car rides.
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