Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Password Protected

Working at a software company requires a relentless, mind-numbing tangle of security passwords that change practically hourly. I’ve heard folks of a certain IQ have a system that helps them remember all their passwords and keep up with the constant requests to create new ones every month. I am not of that IQ level and therefore lack this life-saving methodology.

Starting in late 2009, after I’d been with my company one year and was tortured with a round of annually updated passwords, I created a system of my own. It in no way mediates my frustration with password masochism, but it does supplement my mental health.

I’ve started creating all my passwords with inspirational little phrases like “Itwillhappen,” “CalmandCollected,” and “Letlovein.” Not only do these meet the required length, they also provide hourly reminders that life isn’t as bad as my couple crabcake clients sometimes lead me to believe. Knowing that “it will happen” feels safe and motivating. I have no idea what I’d like to happen, but that one was my favorite. Every time I typed it I meditated a little thing that I hoped would happen, like making a wish. And, turns out, some of those things DID happen. Talk about taking the universe by the balls!

I still can’t remember anything, but I do start every workday with a hopeful little sigh. Every little bit helps, I suppose. If my techy co-workers knew what a fruitcake I am, I would be mortified. My next password update might need to be “PasswordwillNOTbesharedWithIT.”

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Resolutions are for the delusional

Instead of coming up with a list of resolutions that have little hope of becoming fully realized, I have instead come up with a list of things I will NOT do in 2010. Not sure this is any more realistic than a comically optimistic, too-long list of shit I can only wildly dream of doing but it is a new decade, after all. Blind hope is one thing I do have in a world of constant disappointment.

Huh, uh….Things that will not get done in 2010:

1. I will not become fluent in Spanish. My only hope of doing that requires a 6 month sabbatical in Oaxaca and I don’t intend to do that until 2014.

2. I will not eat veal. It’s never been a problem before so why not throw in some low hanging fruit.

3. I will not acquire all my nutrients from Pasta Roni and other processed noodle meals.

4. I will not use Facebook as a supplement for real-life conversation. I will also not use Facebook for revenge/bullying/dating/shopping/blackmail/therapy/meaning in life.

5. I will not be proud that I’m now a Sephora Super-Duper VIP member or whatever they call it. Pride in the amount of money I spend at that store should not ever be celebrated (or even admitted to).

6. I will not make fun of Virginia. This is a tough one, but I have a new incentive to think happy thoughts about the state just to the south. There’s cheese and forehead kisses in it for me and so I shall hold my tongue.

7. I will not just think about responding to emails, texts, VM, and other invitations. I will actually respond to them.

8. I will not stay within my 10 block radius. I say this every year, but this year I’m really going to try to go to such exotic locations as the Botanical Gardens, the Smithsonian, and Baltimore. I also will not use all my vacation time going to Nebraska.

9. I will not worry about turning 30. I’ll just turn it and see what happens.

10. I will not give myself a hard time if I end up doing any of these things. Resolving to make changes in life requires a healthy dose of self-patience and forgiveness.