Friday, June 22, 2012

Is it a duck or a rabbit?

The issue of "perception" has been top of mind lately. Like so often, the universe has splintered my own ideas on the topic by dropping saws and axes on me. If it sounds painful, you may be right but such is life for an intelligent airhead.

Perception is, by definition, a bit amorphous. It is the state of being aware of something. That something can be anything and everything. It is just what is for an individual. Because reality simply cannot be objective, perception is reality. Since reality is inconsistent for everyone, it is easy to see how quickly differences in perception can occur and multiply. I'm nearly confusing myself about it as I write. Try smoking pot and thinking out it...you may start exhaling vowels.

I've known people who can only see or who only accept one reality, one perspective. Their perception is their reality, same as for everyone else. But, they lack the need/want/ability/concern to see, if not attempt to understand and even occasionally incorporate, another's perception. To not care what another person thinks or feels or experiences must be wildly liberating. I'm very jealous of these people even though I don't usually like them.

Unfortunately, I do care what people think and I want people to care about what I think. I also very much care how people experience me and I care that their perception of me, their reality, is positive. I'm not able to know someone has experienced me badly and brush it off because I don't care about their reality. It troubles me, even if I can't fix it. I also can't ignore that they have a reality outside my own. This can be problematic for me because seeing another perception of things is very difficult, especially if I flat out don't agree or don't like what I see. It is truly amazing how two individuals can experience the same thing so differently! Herein lies the tactile responses to differences in perception...curiosity, misunderstanding, confusion, even hate.

I can't help think of one of my favorite quotes by Maya Angelou:

People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.

To me, this is the truest testament of perception. When the details fall away, all that is left is your own perception of reality.

When you're getting over a troubled relationship like I am, this sensation is visceral. I can't remember the exact words that were yelled or which door was slammed. But I can very much remember the sick, anxious, insecure feeling I had almost every morning. I remember feeling afraid and alone. I remember feeling bullied. It is one person's perception to be sure. But, it is mine and it is real.

I attended a conflict resolution seminar recently (I'm a consultant so I regularly play a diplomatic role with conflicted clients. I don't attend cheesy seminars regularly, I promise.). It recommended eliminating the inconsistencies of perception and instead focusing on intention which can be better defined. Asking what someone's intention is and then declaring your own does seem far more concrete. Good plan, especially the next time I run into one of those "isolated reality" folks.

 Now, to come up with some intention to take my mind off reality...I'm thinking wine.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you.

My dog and I don't coexist in the traditional sense. I'm not the parent and her the child. I don't own her. It is more symbiotic...when I need her she is there and when she needs me, there I am. And we pretty much always need each other. She is my Samwise Gamgee. We have done it 3 times together in the last 8 years and she has proven to be exceptionally adaptable and helpful in a move. A pictorial memoir...

Deciding where our furniture should go
 
Unpacking (rats were in a high priority box)
 
Enjoying our new neighborhood, Zilker Park

Testing our new bed

Selecting paint colors at Home Depot

Posing for Martha Stewart in our newly decorated bedroom

Worn out from too many projects
 
I could not do this without her. Fact.