Lessons Learned

I've lived in DC for 6 years this month. That makes me practically native. I've learned much in the last six years, on my own and from the graciousness of others. Below is a list of some important lessons learned for survival in the nation's capital.

1. Live in Dupont. You will likely have to deal with a lunatic landlord and the ceiling may fall down on you while you sleep and it might only be a basement with no kitchen and you might live among happy rat families, but it is still better than Virginia.

2. If you want to make friends with all your neighbors (and be accosted by strangers relentlessly), get a Shih Tzu puppy.

3. Sometimes gay men do date women.

4. Always be kind to tourists...unless they are standing to the fucking left on escalators.

5. That honors degree you worked so hard for...yeah, you won't be needing it. Nice try though.

6. Be extra friendly with the convenience store owner around the corner. You never know when you may need a post 10pm wine run or to cash a check to yourself for cab fare (but need them not to deposit until next week).

7. Bartenders, while loads of fun, do not make good boyfriends. They are best kept behind bars.

8. Don't ever fool yourself into thinking politicians are celebrities. Even in DC, dropping names in government is just silly.

9. A freezer can also be used a cupboard. A stove can also be used a drawer. A hallway can also be used a closet. A trash area can be converted into a garden patio. Front steps can also be a dining room...etc.

10. Alcohol is the answer.

Trouble

Me: Hello darling. We need to talk. I’m afraid my love for you has come to an end and I must move on. That red wine the other night at Veritas was the last straw. I mean, sure, I really enjoy your company… I feel we’ve spent some amazing nights together and you always cheer me up. But it always hurts the next morning. There are other things I should attend to. Furthermore, I can’t really afford you.

Trouble: Hmph…you can’t get rid of me. You heart me. And you know there’s no chance I’ll ever really go away. We’re life partners, you and I. Like it or not… Now, do something with that hair so we can go get a martini.

Me: You’re right…i do love you, but like others I’ve loved before, there comes a time when I just need to walk the other direction. You understand, right?

Trouble: You won’t survive without me. You know this. I know this. One day of sobriety and yoga and you’ll be back. Really, honey, why bother?

Me: Oh alright! You win, as usual.

Trouble is a friend by Lenka