Sugarplums and other visions

A very wise friend of mine has been attempting to help me make sense of a very disturbing relationship dilemma in which i've found myself. Alternating between devastated and, well, devastated, the love i thought was "grown-up," real, and indestructible has turned out to be just the opposite. My girl has offered some sage explanations.
 
People (both men and women), it seems, sometimes create a vision for their life, complete with lodging, lineages, even transport. The stereotypical house, car, and kids is alive and well, i'm afraid. The plans are made, signed and sealed, and not up for discussion. And then the quest begins to find the right person, a soulmate i suppose, that you can plunk down in that dream life. This person matches all the decor and lives life by the same soundtrack. The person must have the exact same visionary life. That is how you know they are the one.
 
Now, i'm not opposed to dreams. I have them myself, of course. But my dreams are fluid, murky, without real definition and form. For instance, my future ideal family doesn't have a predetermined number of members, doesn't reside any one place in particular, and doesn't do certain things on the weekends. I've always thought that when I meet the person i'm meant to spend my life with, we'll work out those details together. Combining efforts seems way more interesting to me, not to mention sustainable as people's dreams change as they are sure to do. I like the adventure of it. I look forward to negotiating those details in true Libra fashion. Love is the binding force in my vision, not how well the person fits into my master plan of global diva domination. (JK...i don't really plan to take over the world with diva force...unless anyone is up for trying that with me.)
 
The love i thought i shared with my beau is in question. And it hurts. Turns out, he is unsure i fit in his vision. And that makes my vision (of an exciting life discovering even more about him and loving him even more) seem like it ain't gonna happen.
 
I could be wrong, but relationships of the past appeared to begin by finding someone you could stand and taking it from there. Love used to be all you needed. Identical plans is the new collaboration.
 
Shame, really. My vision was just starting to take on some lines and color. Not sure how this one will turn out because, as previously stated, it isn't up for discussion. Good thing my beautiful future is flexible like a yogi, taking on new positions even more challenging than before. Wish me luck though...this will be a tough one.