Post Its and Text Messages

I signed up for one of those text messaging packages last year, not because I really like text messaging but rather because everyone else apparently does and I was getting charged to even receive them.

Over the last few months, text messaging has become one of the most irritating forms of communication yet. Just as Post-It notes are really only good for writing down things that aren't worth remembering anyway, text messaging has become the medium for useless interaction. For example, I got a text message last weekend around midnight from a random ex-boyfriend that said "Hi." Um, ok...hi? He could have made more sense by saying "June." or "Feature Gradients." (I was just looking around my desk for words that have no context and those are the first two I saw.

I got another cleverly written text message from another ex the week before that said "I have been meaning to text you." Again, how is this useful to me and why would I care? These messages have absolutely no relevance to the current situation, relationship, or even current event.

I can see certain instances where it may be appropriate to send a random text out of the blue. For example, if I was at the DC Pride Parade, several past boyfriends would come to mind and I may want to send them a text that says "Results Gym had a fabulous float. Was that you in the cage at the top?" Or, if I saw someone passed out on the sidewalk in a pool of their own vomit, I might be compelled to send a text to a certain ex that said "Wow. Looking good baby!"
You see, sometimes contacting your exes via text is the safest and most appropriate method of communication, especially when you don't much want to talk to them anyway. But, if you don't much want to talk, why send anything at all? Can we all agree that each message sent contain some relevant or humorous bit of information?

Instead of "Hi.", how about saying "Hope you are well."

If you want to reconnect after several months of not speaking, don't send a text message at 2am that says "What's up?"

I will likely not respond and will instead tell all my friends how silly you are and have a nice laugh. (That is, if I even know who the text is from...I have an ever-growing list of contacts in my cell with Do Not Answer as the name.)

Now, because I am trying my very hardest to not be a spiny fish (thanks for that one, Mom) I will now give an example of a recent fabulous text interaction:

From boy: I wanted to bring you back a bottle. Do you like red or white?

Response from me: You're fabulous! I'm a red girl.

See...not so hard, right fellas?