The Impossible Question

As an Air-sign cowgirl, I struggle constantly with keeping one toe on the ground and my thoughts lassoed. That's why I'm so glad there are other people.

I was touched by a recent blog post by Robin Anderson, a friend and colleague who regularly awes me with mindfulness and insight. This chick may have one full foot on the ground, maybe more! With severe honesty and frightening rightness, she asks about the thing we are most unable to define: love.

There are lots of different sorts of love, none any more or less understandable. Romantic love, love of God, familial love, self love...we know them when we feel them but like so many things, the exact sensation cannot easily be put to words. As a very small child, I used to test my love by asking myself if I would care if the object of my affection died. If I would care, then, yes, I loved them. Now, of course, things are much more complex. I've even tried to simplify it to love is the absence of hate. Not so. Love can exist with hate, turns out. Love can exist in spite of hate even. Fucking bizarre world we live in!

The part about Robin's post that I liked the best was that a repeated broken heart has taught her to love and be loving. Personal failures may very well be my forte, but learning from them is a strong-suit as well. I don't just hurt, rinse, repeat. Analysis and self-reflection (of both sides, however forcibly) is no fun, but it must be done, just like drinking water and sending thank you notes.

The point of love for me is strength in numbers. It is propping each other up so we don't have to sleep with our heads in the mud. It is why I cried in Moonrise Kingdom when the boy tells the girl, "I'm on your side." Good things can happen alone, but great things can happen when we are together.

Erich Fromm also has amazing insight on the sociology and science of love. This isn't your typical fluffy "love is everywhere" bullshit. This is separating the molecules of love to their atomic level. Has it helped me answer Robin's question? A little. But what has and will help even more is to keep doing what I'm doing: trying (and sometimes failing), flaws, fears, and all.

♫ Flaws And All by Beyonce