Smile Therapy

When I taught yoga a million years ago in Boulder I used to do a guided meditation with my students called the Inner Smile. You simply closed your eyes and visualized all your bits smiling. And by "all," I mean it literally, from your brain all the way to your toes, allowing your organs, limbs, every cell to radiate what is typically delegated only to teeth and lips. After about 7 minutes, I would ask them to open their eyes. Without fail, they would all have this strange (almost creepy) smile on and they would slowly lumber out into the world, my guess is to give someone a hug. It was awesome.

Fast forward a few million years in DC where I saw What The Bleep Do We Know!?, a documentary about quantum realities and the interconnectedness of our emotional world and our actual world. 

One of my favorite parts of the documentary was when they showed how words like "love" and "patience" create beautiful ice crystals from water while words like "hate" and "war" create jumbled crystal patterns. (This is research done by Emoto.)  I'm not saying I believe every word. In fact, I'm a natural skeptic. But, pleasantries and blind hope keep me from flinging myself off national landmarks so I try to go with it. This was an interesting concept especially considering humans are 70-80% water. I also liked in the film that she draws smiley faces all over her body with marker. I've always wanted to do it because it reminds me of the Inner Smile meditation. 

The other day I decided to document my smiling patterns, mostly because I realized I hadn't done it much lately. I didn't try to pinpoint why (that's easy...left all my best friends in DC, emotionally vacant relationship with latest boyfriend, a stranger in a new town with little direction, job on the fritz, etc. Nothing especially unique here.) I wanted to conscientiously smile at every single person I saw for a whole day and see what happend, both to me and to them. 

It was a pretty cool day. I got invited places, flirted with, kissed, serenaded, and asked for my phone number, all in about 4 hours time, all by different people. I was certainly on a cloud and I appeared to cheer up everyone in sight. This is an experiment I suggest everyone try right away. I wasn't smiling out of my ear or kidneys but my mouth seemed to suffice.

I'm not sure if smiling can change the universe but it certainly can't hurt. It is infinitely more useful than pouting, scowling, or flipping the bird. So I am on a new mission of smiling, much like that dude in Ally McBeal, even if I don't feel like it. If nothing else, a wise friend of mine told me recently over martinis that "sometimes, girl, you just have to fake it till you make it." Indeed.

Don't Make Me

The other night I attempted to get dumped by inviting my beau to a folksy, estrogen-heavy performance by Toby Lightman. He usually reserves Monday nights for himself as a rule. He claims he is required by his laundry machine, though I believe he keeps his distance to avoid the inevitable CSI Miami episode. For this reason, it was particularly generous of him to drive me, in the rain, to Arlington and sit through equal parts acoustic man-bashing and sappy love ballads.

I was thrilled, giddy with her clever lyrics, thoughtful sentiment, and country/bluesy twang. He appeared to be ready to trade me in for a tattooed death metal drummer chick or throw himself from the nearest monument...i can't be sure which.

As in that weird movie Mating Habits of the Earth-Bound Human, i guess it is true that while dating it is not necessarily the activities we enjoy, but rather the company.

I did appreciate the company thoroughly. And for only a barbeque dinner in exchange, i think i made out like a bandit.

We joked that when the time comes for me to endure uncomfortable male activities, perhaps DC Meatfest or the National Beer Guzzling/Chest Beating Festival, he'll have an ace in the hole with which to convince me. In the meantime, I promise to only play the cd i bought last night solo so not to invoke any traumatic flashbacks.

Don't Wake Me by Toby Lightman

Stay away from windows and spindles

Mom introduced me to a song by Sara Bareilles that she thought was quite relevant in my life of disastrous romance and consequential bitterness. Basically the song goes through various Disney bombshells and disproves their fairytale loves lives with a realistic dose of cynicism.

Clearly, my life is no fairytale romance. I've had several serious, long-term relationships and, just as they approach a commitment tipping point, I decide they aren't right for me after all and send the shocked and heartbroken boy packing. My rationale is, much like the deceptive love lives of Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, I can pretend happiness, keeping my concerns quiet, sometimes for years, even when I know that I could never commit myself by law to men with very clear personality or lifestyle conflicts with me. Why I don't toss them to the wayside immediately has always been a mystery.

More recently, I've also managed to fall hard for a man so completely wrong for me that I fear I shall never outlive the shame of my own compliance with his disrespect. Much like Snow White and her f*@ked up relationship with the dwarves, I was willing to bend over backwards to make it work. Like Ariel, I entertained the thought of giving up my standards of excellence to be with someone who wasn't even housetrained. Like Jasmine, I was fooled by an ill-behaved loser in fancy clothes. This experience has pretty much turned me into a wicked witch, but has also made me wonder how many non-believers I've turned out over my years of corrupt fairytales. I hope not many.

Am I a relationship poser? Or am I just the epitome of a hopeless romantic infused with a little sass? Either way, this Bareilles song has some good advice. First and foremost, there is no float-on-a-cloud love that comes from blind appreciation and unquestioned patience for someone who isn't right for you.

What to do? Fling myself from the nearest castle tower? Impale myself on a spindle? Probably not. Keep kissing frogs? Exhausting! I guess for now I'll just keep my hair trimmed and stay away from windows. I don't want fairytale love anyway. I want genuine, realistic happiness with a little candlelight and a few kisses on the neck mixed in.

Not such an unrealistic happy ending to hope for, in my opinion.