Lessons Learned

I've lived in DC for 6 years this month. That makes me practically native. I've learned much in the last six years, on my own and from the graciousness of others. Below is a list of some important lessons learned for survival in the nation's capital.

1. Live in Dupont. You will likely have to deal with a lunatic landlord and the ceiling may fall down on you while you sleep and it might only be a basement with no kitchen and you might live among happy rat families, but it is still better than Virginia.

2. If you want to make friends with all your neighbors (and be accosted by strangers relentlessly), get a Shih Tzu puppy.

3. Sometimes gay men do date women.

4. Always be kind to tourists...unless they are standing to the fucking left on escalators.

5. That honors degree you worked so hard for...yeah, you won't be needing it. Nice try though.

6. Be extra friendly with the convenience store owner around the corner. You never know when you may need a post 10pm wine run or to cash a check to yourself for cab fare (but need them not to deposit until next week).

7. Bartenders, while loads of fun, do not make good boyfriends. They are best kept behind bars.

8. Don't ever fool yourself into thinking politicians are celebrities. Even in DC, dropping names in government is just silly.

9. A freezer can also be used a cupboard. A stove can also be used a drawer. A hallway can also be used a closet. A trash area can be converted into a garden patio. Front steps can also be a dining room...etc.

10. Alcohol is the answer.