Verizon has a consipracy against me

Over the last few months, i've attempted to join whatever century we're in now and sprinkle my life with a few electronic devices. I've always been years behind when it comes to gadgets and things with cords.

I didn't get a DVD player until just a couple years ago, after my mom realized how un-cool I was. I am forever in debt to my former music mentor from Colorado for gently encouraging me to give up my boom box by gifting me an iPod (filled with cool new music). He rightly predicted I wouldn't have a computer at home with which to charge the Pod so he included the wall charger. Brilliant! When the cable I was stealing got shut off, I signed up for Netflix and called it a day. I couldn't loose that crappy used cell phone in a cab to save my life. Spending money and time on such luxuries as wireless internet, communication by phone, and a working thermostat seemed a bit beyond my reach. I was doing fine without so why complicate my life?

I'm not sure if it was winter boredom, my new job at a software company (where EVERYONE has an iPhone), or my sports-loving beau who waits for me patiently with nothing but Bust magazine and Olive to keep him entertained...something inspired me to get wired.

In the last few months, i've added a digital converter box and space-age rabbit ears (I couldn't quite bring myself to get cable yet and the government was offering coupons), wireless internet (which I share with my neighbors to keep the cost down...less money spent on bills means more money to spend on denim), a new cell phone, and an Internet-based home phone so I can more easily work in my pajamas. I had to get two power strips for all those damn cords.

I have had several meltdowns over faulty equipment, low signal, and criminal billing practices. This shit simply isn't my thing.

While I am (sometimes...when it is working) happy to be able to stream old CSI Miami episodes wireless on my laptop while simultaneously watching the new CSI Miami episode on channel 7-1 WJLA-HD or whatever, I do question the necessity of it all. There are times I want to gather up all those ugly boxes with annoying blinking lights and their tangle of miserable cords and ritualistically burn them.

Olive and Beau do seem content watching March Madness while I blow-dry so perhaps it is worth it. Just no more effing cords please.


P.S. Thanks for the YouTube video, Tex. It made me feel the tiniest bit better about all the obscenities that have come from my mouth in your presence while trying to get all my fucking pieces of shit working.