Viva la resistance

My yoga teacher often reminds me all suffering is caused from resisting change.

I know that if I could somehow learn to accept change as the natural, exciting, and (quite frankly) inevitable thing that it is, I'd be infinitely happier. However, like most people, change is not my forte. I become anxious, even sometimes physically ill, when major changes loom ahead. I like my universe orderly and predictable.

Today, I emailed in sick, not because I'm actually ill, but rather because I needed a mental health day. I needed it because yesterday, my boss, who I adore, quit. I knew that this day would come, but I was kinda hoping it wouldn't come quite so soon. So, with a mixture of resentment for the people I believe forced him out, sadness, shock, and fear, I finished my day and sulked home, fully prepared to pout for a long time.

This change will be dramatic for me in a lot of ways. For one, I'll be loosing day to day contact with my mentor who has taught me so much and clarified a fabulous career path that i would likely have never discovered on my own. I will miss him terribly. I'll also have to get used to another boss, who will undoubtedly pale in comparison. I may also have to find another job myself, which will disrupt my social circle, my schedule, and my finances (though perhaps in a good way). I already feel like a Robin who has lost her Batman, a chip with no salsa. This is absolutely an instance where resistance to change will cause suffering.

Because i slept in on my day of mental health, I walked Olive later than usual. I was still feeling sorry for myself. Then i saw a man carrying a pet carrier. He looked very sad so I smiled at him. He didn't smile back. When i looked over my shoulder at him i saw that he did indeed have a pet in his carrier, but that it was covered in a blanket. I knew that he had just euthanized his friend. It brings tears to my eyes as i write this. Suddenly i knew that i couldn't pout and whine and be irritable even one more second.

I guess that was the universe giving me what I needed on my "sick day." I needed to see the change I'm dealing with in it's proper scope and magnitude. However much I resist moving forward, probably to bigger and better things...however uncomfortable I am with the prospect of evolving...however much I wish things could stay the same forever, they can't and they won't. Let's try to keep things in prospective for once, Rach.

Hype by Tegan and Sarah