It is not easy to win the affection of a boyfriend's friends. The approval rating usually ends up somewhere between tolerance and murderous spite. But, nothing is more valuable to a girl trying to land a man than a "gold star" from his best friend. That is why this week is so hard. I didn't just get a thumbs up from Travis Sampley. He was my biggest fan and the feeling was mutual.
Travis, AK, and I spent the last year on a whirlwind of rowdy adventures all over Texas. We were the 3 musketeers. We did everything together it seemed. All of my most fun and memorable moments since moving to Austin included him. We traveled in a pack, literally, walking home together (he lived just a few blocks away). Inseparable barely covers it.
He was my most enthusiastic kitchen guinea pig, gobbling down even the most inedibly tough steak and over-salted fish like he was eating first class at III Forks. He rarely even asked what I was making before agreeing to come over and he always brought my favorite Zinfandel.
My constant heckling for his taste in slow, emotive music didn't
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deter him at all from turning off my tunes immediately upon arrival to plug in his iPhone. Every ride in my car started with, "Have you heard the new [insert band I've never heard of here]?" and a reach for the aux cord. He invited me to the most obscure concerts and taught me why vinyl sounds best. He introduced me to music far beyond my comfort zone and I ended up eating my words every time.
Most importantly, he liked me. Not just because he was obligated to. And, I liked him. Not just because I was obligated to. I looked forward to him like he was my own pack member and eventually that's what he became.
His sudden death makes me feel strange. I'm overwhelmed with sadness with spurts of disbelief. Sharing this grief with so many people is simultaneously comforting but also selfishly difficult. I'm watching my man's heart break and it is unimaginably painful. I don't think I'm alone in wishing that there could be just one more moment to say goodbye. In situations like this, I suppose it is natural. But, what would I say if I had that chance?
After Travis' birthday party at G&S
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How do you put into words the solidarity of a friendship that strong? How would you let them know how much you appreciate the joy they bring to your life? Could you really express how much you'll miss them and how much you don't want them to go? I doubt it. Sometimes there are just no words. That is the blessing of death I guess. You can't and so you don't. You just feel it and know it and that has to be enough.
His absence will also be distinctly felt and known...at every party, at every bar, at every concert. His absence will just be distinct. Because someone like Travis doesn't go unnoticed.
I'm sending love and healing to his family and friends. We might have lost a rare one, but there isn't enough gratitude in the universe to match the thanks I have to have known him.
That's How Strong My Love Is by Ryan Bingham
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With Tears and a Smile…
The night Travis died we mourned. When we heard the news our two-bedroom apartment was filled with more people than ever within hours. Wednesday was the same. Our place became a true heart hospital. This continued every following day leading up to his memorial. We cried and we laughed, but most importantly we came together to celebrate Travis’ life and all our experiences together. His memory was the life of the party as we initiated our path to absorb the shock of his absence.
Travis bought me a piñata for my 29th birthday this past August. Travis had the heart of a child. I mention this cheesy, child’s gift because it represents a greater lesson he taught through living—live life with the heart of a child. Smile. Big and often.
Together we made Austin our playground. He baptized me in the joy and influence of good music. We shared success and demise with the young and old of the capitol community while gaining wisdom from our elders and embracing the youthful spirit of the young and new.
It was a lot of fun. But it was more than that. We were learning together how to be strong, loving men with the hearts of children.
It was a beautiful thing to be a companion to Travis as he played his game of life. Not in an infantile, immature way. But in the way a man can when he has the self-awareness to know when it is time for work and when it is time for play. The work is where we built our relationship. But the play is where we became best friends.
Travis was my work colleague, my neighbor, my music mentor, and my love counselor.
Travis was free. I was free.
This commonality brought us closer and closer. But we discovered that our freedom was even greater when shared.
He was my co-conspirator. I miss him.
The hardest part is continuing life like he would want me to live while knowing that it will never be the same without him. Travis and I did everything together. We had plans.
For the first time this year, I had to ride to the tailgate without Travis. The day after his memorial I went to the Modest Mouse concert we planned for a month and he wasn’t there. Today were taking the camping trip we’ve had planned all fall and he isn’t coming with us. Next week we will tailgate again without him. My best friend died and he is not here to help me through it.
It pains me to count the adventures ahead that we don’t get to share with him. But I will do it with a courageous heart and a child’s spirit as a continuing memorial to Travis. I will live for Travis as he did.
I will dance and sing through life as he did. So let’s dance and sing and smile. With tears and a smile…let’s remember Travis.
Good times that I thought I should share with you and Rach:
I stopped concerting with Travis about 4 years ago (Crap, it doesn’t feel like that long ago). I still would hit up the occasional Wilco with him, but couldn’t do the randomness anymore as my wife became my best friend around this time.
And, yes, Travis was her biggest fan as well and gave her a “gold star”. He did love her! I’m 100% sure, he would have willed down his collection of magazines above the toilet to her if given the chance …wink…wink..
I am so happy that he found Keefer and Rach to replace any void I may have caused. I still talked to him weekly/monthly and saw him at least every month for lunch and every single Halloween. We had barbq lunches that were fit for kings!
Even though, we stopped seeing each other every day, I still feel like things never changed between us. And, that is hard to find. Every time I was over there, it was 5am in no time. My wife and I called it the time warp couch.
Couple quick stories that come to mind:
"Bright as his smile"
Years ago, I remember telling Travis I was going to get Bright Eyes tickets. Travis was sooo super excited to go. However, when I went to buy tickets, they were sold out. I didn’t have the heart to tell him and I couldn’t disappoint. I went ahead and bought Bright Eyes ticket at an astronomical cost on freaking Craig’s list ($120 a ticket or something) because he convinced me that this guy was the next Bob Dylan. I can always remember him convincing me to go to concerts and even if the band wasn’t up to par, the concerts were always awesome as I could see Travis smiling from 10 rows away. Good times!
"Moons over my Hammy at 5am"
I had the best meal of my life with Travis as he picked me up from jail at 5am in Williamson County after I was in the slammer for 30 straight days. We ate a moons over my hammy at Denny’s that puts Perry's porkchop to shame!
When I couldn’t legally drive for a year or so, he would pick me up from 620 and 2222 and drive me around weekly to dinner and concerts. I owed him so many favors after that year, I couldn’t count them. I have never seen a person so willing to help a friend out in need. Never have I seen someone so loyal to his friends.
I just wanted to say THANKS for being there for Travis as I couldn’t be there as much since I stumbled upon a wife and 2 dogs. The time we spent together grew apart but Travis and I never did. I’m glad he had the two of you in his life.
Regards,
Eric Strawbridge
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