Making every possible mistake

My mum is an expert at giving me gifts. I suppose it has something to do with me being a clone of her, which makes gift giving infinitely easier. This year, she got me a psychic reading for my birthday. She went with since it is no fun to talk about your destiny by yourself, obviously.

I told this man nothing. Not a single thing about where I live, who I am, or what I wanted to know about. I could tell he was disappointed to have nothing to work with. But, i thought it would add to his credibility or lack thereof after the the fact so i kept my lips sealed.

Turns out, i'm not all that bad off. Saturn has flown the coop which means things should start looking up (though I can expect another rough patch around age 50...dammit!) I can expect to meet my life partner on a sidewalk outside a restaurant or bar...shouldn't be a problem as I do that sort of thing almost daily. Timestamp hazy, however.

Two things of note:

1. I am a psychological gypsy with a boredom problem who violently changes direction in life, sometimes without notice. This came as no surprise to me. Here's the cool part... We all have spirit guides that help us navigate the tricky waters of life. They don't always help you do the right thing, but they look after you lest you totally botch up your whole existence. Usually you get yours early on and they are yours to keep for life. I mean, they invest in you and stay by your side like a German Shepard or an STD that can't be treated with antibiotics. Not mine. Because I change everything up so completely every now and again, I require different spirit guides at different times. I chuck mine and get new ones with all my different life stages. This is quite unusual, according to Mr. Psychic. Right now, I'm stuck with Arthur, a pony-tailed intellectual, who "helps" me over-analyze and question things. Thanks dude, you're coming in really fucking handy. Poo!

2. You've met those people who just exude wisdom and experience, even at a young age. They have that look that says they've seen things others haven't and know things others don't. When they look dazed, it doesn't come off as lost and confused. It looks contemplative. I am not one of those people. I am a new soul. Lacking in wisdom, sophistication, and patience, I am attempting to take this universe by storm and cram in several lifetimes during my Earthly stay. I imagine the psychic was trying to come up with an inoffensive way of saying soul-wise, I'm a bratty teenage idiot who thinks they know everything. Luckily, I have the motivation to get it all done in a hurry so that i'm an old soul faster than other baby-souls. It isn't a competition or anything...I just want to know it all as soon as possible so I'm devouring experiences like Ms. PacMan. Hooray!

I have to say, I was impressed by the psychic's expertise. Still not sure i believe he could see my future but if he could get all that from a handshake, a wrinkled t-shirt, cowboy boots, and a hangover, he's doing pretty well in my book.

New Soul by Yael Naïm