Girl Scouts are clearly bloodthirsty torturers who have been sent to my neighborhood to dissolve the last shred of self-control I had left from my New Year’s resolutions. They are clearly evil.
Whatever happened to keeping to themselves and getting some sort of knitting badge or campfire qualifications? I thought I had immunized myself from these little beasts when I moved to a scary urban area where no sound-minded parent would ever set their kids free to knock on doors asking for money. But now, parents and scouts are setting up shop outside Metro stops so that, in my Crystal City-induced delirium, I am forced to walk past their piles of delicious Samoas and Do-Si-Dos.
If I was a terrorist, I would infiltrate the Girl Scouts because that way I could easily use poison to take out the whole country in just under a week. No one would suspect a thing because I would have already earned my "Smug-faced I-know-you-can’t-resist" badge.
Damn it!
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