Instead of coming up with a list of resolutions that have little hope of becoming fully realized, I have instead come up with a list of things I will NOT do in 2010. Not sure this is any more realistic than a comically optimistic, too-long list of shit I can only wildly dream of doing but it is a new decade, after all. Blind hope is one thing I do have in a world of constant disappointment.
Huh, uh….Things that will not get done in 2010:
1. I will not become fluent in Spanish. My only hope of doing that requires a 6 month sabbatical in Oaxaca and I don’t intend to do that until 2014.
2. I will not eat veal. It’s never been a problem before so why not throw in some low hanging fruit.
3. I will not acquire all my nutrients from Pasta Roni and other processed noodle meals.
4. I will not use Facebook as a supplement for real-life conversation. I will also not use Facebook for revenge/bullying/dating/shopping/blackmail/therapy/meaning in life.
5. I will not be proud that I’m now a Sephora Super-Duper VIP member or whatever they call it. Pride in the amount of money I spend at that store should not ever be celebrated (or even admitted to).
6. I will not make fun of Virginia. This is a tough one, but I have a new incentive to think happy thoughts about the state just to the south. There’s cheese and forehead kisses in it for me and so I shall hold my tongue.
7. I will not just think about responding to emails, texts, VM, and other invitations. I will actually respond to them.
8. I will not stay within my 10 block radius. I say this every year, but this year I’m really going to try to go to such exotic locations as the Botanical Gardens, the Smithsonian, and Baltimore. I also will not use all my vacation time going to Nebraska.
9. I will not worry about turning 30. I’ll just turn it and see what happens.
10. I will not give myself a hard time if I end up doing any of these things. Resolving to make changes in life requires a healthy dose of self-patience and forgiveness.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Lessons Learned
I've lived in DC for 6 years this month. That makes me practically native. I've learned much in the last six years, on my own and from the graciousness of others. Below is a list of some important lessons learned for survival in the nation's capital.
1. Live in Dupont. You will likely have to deal with a lunatic landlord and the ceiling may fall down on you while you sleep and it might only be a basement with no kitchen and you might live among happy rat families, but it is still better than Virginia.
2. If you want to make friends with all your neighbors (and be accosted by strangers relentlessly), get a Shih Tzu puppy.
3. Sometimes gay men do date women.
4. Always be kind to tourists...unless they are standing to the fucking left on escalators.
5. That honors degree you worked so hard for...yeah, you won't be needing it. Nice try though.
6. Be extra friendly with the convenience store owner around the corner. You never know when you may need a post 10pm wine run or to cash a check to yourself for cab fare (but need them not to deposit until next week).
7. Bartenders, while loads of fun, do not make good boyfriends. They are best kept behind bars.
8. Don't ever fool yourself into thinking politicians are celebrities. Even in DC, dropping names in government is just silly.
9. A freezer can also be used a cupboard. A stove can also be used a drawer. A hallway can also be used a closet. A trash area can be converted into a garden patio. Front steps can also be a dining room...etc.
10. Alcohol is the answer.
1. Live in Dupont. You will likely have to deal with a lunatic landlord and the ceiling may fall down on you while you sleep and it might only be a basement with no kitchen and you might live among happy rat families, but it is still better than Virginia.
2. If you want to make friends with all your neighbors (and be accosted by strangers relentlessly), get a Shih Tzu puppy.
3. Sometimes gay men do date women.
4. Always be kind to tourists...unless they are standing to the fucking left on escalators.
5. That honors degree you worked so hard for...yeah, you won't be needing it. Nice try though.
6. Be extra friendly with the convenience store owner around the corner. You never know when you may need a post 10pm wine run or to cash a check to yourself for cab fare (but need them not to deposit until next week).
7. Bartenders, while loads of fun, do not make good boyfriends. They are best kept behind bars.
8. Don't ever fool yourself into thinking politicians are celebrities. Even in DC, dropping names in government is just silly.
9. A freezer can also be used a cupboard. A stove can also be used a drawer. A hallway can also be used a closet. A trash area can be converted into a garden patio. Front steps can also be a dining room...etc.
10. Alcohol is the answer.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Trouble
Me: Hello darling. We need to talk. I’m afraid my love for you has come to an end and I must move on. That red wine the other night at Veritas was the last straw. I mean, sure, I really enjoy your company… I feel we’ve spent some amazing nights together and you always cheer me up. But it always hurts the next morning. There are other things I should attend to. Furthermore, I can’t really afford you.
Trouble: Hmph…you can’t get rid of me. You heart me. And you know there’s no chance I’ll ever really go away. We’re life partners, you and I. Like it or not… Now, do something with that hair so we can go get a martini.
Me: You’re right…i do love you, but like others I’ve loved before, there comes a time when I just need to walk the other direction. You understand, right?
Trouble: You won’t survive without me. You know this. I know this. One day of sobriety and yoga and you’ll be back. Really, honey, why bother?
Me: Oh alright! You win, as usual.
Trouble is a friend by Lenka
Trouble: Hmph…you can’t get rid of me. You heart me. And you know there’s no chance I’ll ever really go away. We’re life partners, you and I. Like it or not… Now, do something with that hair so we can go get a martini.
Me: You’re right…i do love you, but like others I’ve loved before, there comes a time when I just need to walk the other direction. You understand, right?
Trouble: You won’t survive without me. You know this. I know this. One day of sobriety and yoga and you’ll be back. Really, honey, why bother?
Me: Oh alright! You win, as usual.
Trouble is a friend by Lenka
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Took a long time to come
My birthday is in less than a week. I absolutely adore birthdays and look forward to mine every year. I don't think I’ve ever been more excited for one to hurry up and get here...not even when I was four.
Last year was such a special, beautiful memory...Just days before my birthday I had started a new job and was optimistic about where my career was headed. I had also just fallen in love. I was happy, really happy, and hopeful. I thought 28 would be my best year yet.
No dice.
Instead, I spent the first eight months of my new job in a nervous panic, terrified I had made the wrong career move. Also, my heart was broken, brutally, and I spent the next few months under my covers with a painful ache in my chest that will not soon be forgotten.
You cannot even imagine how glad I am to bid farewell to this year.
However, throughout the minor crisis that was age 28, I was constantly reminded by my friends that better days were ahead. They pulled me from the wreckage, hosed me off, and propped me up beside them on a barstool, insistent I look forward, not back. They are my heroes and I love and appreciate them for all they did and all they are.
So, here I am at age 29, happy...for the most part. And hopeful. Again. I have every confidence that this will be our best year yet.
This Will Be Our Year by The Zombies
Last year was such a special, beautiful memory...Just days before my birthday I had started a new job and was optimistic about where my career was headed. I had also just fallen in love. I was happy, really happy, and hopeful. I thought 28 would be my best year yet.
No dice.
Instead, I spent the first eight months of my new job in a nervous panic, terrified I had made the wrong career move. Also, my heart was broken, brutally, and I spent the next few months under my covers with a painful ache in my chest that will not soon be forgotten.
You cannot even imagine how glad I am to bid farewell to this year.
However, throughout the minor crisis that was age 28, I was constantly reminded by my friends that better days were ahead. They pulled me from the wreckage, hosed me off, and propped me up beside them on a barstool, insistent I look forward, not back. They are my heroes and I love and appreciate them for all they did and all they are.
So, here I am at age 29, happy...for the most part. And hopeful. Again. I have every confidence that this will be our best year yet.
This Will Be Our Year by The Zombies
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Should have seen it coming
Just after telling a boy suffering from noncompliance to hit the road the other day, I was awarded a long, luxurious laugh…he retorted that he was only in it for Olive anyway.
I’ve always suspected the sly Shih Tzu would try to steal the hearts of my suitors. A face like that cannot be trusted.
:-)
I’ve always suspected the sly Shih Tzu would try to steal the hearts of my suitors. A face like that cannot be trusted.
:-)
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Rare and Interesting Creatures
This morning I was laying in bed, pretending NPR wasn't insisting i go to work. A story came on about a scientist's futile quest to capture and tag a narwhal.
A narwhal is a a nearly mythical animal, one of the more mysterious of sea creatures, equal parts whale and unicorn. They are shy, intelligent animals and are only very rarely caught in nets and fitted with GPS tracking devices. They clearly don't like people or nets and avoid them both meticulously.
One narwhal described in the story got very close to a net, causing the whole tagging team (who had been patiently waiting for months to catch one) to suit up and prep for success. But, at the last minute, the graceful animal changed directions and glided away unscathed. I imagine the team sat silently for several minutes after that, reassessing the reasons they even try.
Ahhh, how many things in life are just as illusive?! Just when you think you've got it/him/them, it/he/them heads another direction just out of reach. Strange.
Another bizarre animal story walking home after work: A very lazy cicada, nearly five years late waking up, was frantically bumping into the window of an Italian restaurant making a terrible racket. I wondered how upsetting it would be to get to hang out with my fellow species only once every many, many years and to wake up only to find out that no one bothered to nudge me. Sad.
The first thing i would do is head straight to the nearest Italian joint as well.
I met a man the other day who I think I might want to get to know better. He is interesting and funny, masculine but seems evolved. He is also a former Marine. Rare and interesting, indeed. Not sure i believe in unicorns, but...
A narwhal is a a nearly mythical animal, one of the more mysterious of sea creatures, equal parts whale and unicorn. They are shy, intelligent animals and are only very rarely caught in nets and fitted with GPS tracking devices. They clearly don't like people or nets and avoid them both meticulously.
One narwhal described in the story got very close to a net, causing the whole tagging team (who had been patiently waiting for months to catch one) to suit up and prep for success. But, at the last minute, the graceful animal changed directions and glided away unscathed. I imagine the team sat silently for several minutes after that, reassessing the reasons they even try.
Ahhh, how many things in life are just as illusive?! Just when you think you've got it/him/them, it/he/them heads another direction just out of reach. Strange.
Another bizarre animal story walking home after work: A very lazy cicada, nearly five years late waking up, was frantically bumping into the window of an Italian restaurant making a terrible racket. I wondered how upsetting it would be to get to hang out with my fellow species only once every many, many years and to wake up only to find out that no one bothered to nudge me. Sad.
The first thing i would do is head straight to the nearest Italian joint as well.
I met a man the other day who I think I might want to get to know better. He is interesting and funny, masculine but seems evolved. He is also a former Marine. Rare and interesting, indeed. Not sure i believe in unicorns, but...
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